Dream Home

I hate being an ass to salespeople, especially when I know they are only doing their jobs. But sometimes, there are situations where you just can't help it.

Salesman: Are you a home owner sir?
Me: If you mean, do i own a house in Dubai, no I am afraid I don't.
Salesman: You should do it sir. Invest in a home here in Dubai. You are paying lost of money on rent. In buying a house, you can save a lot.
Me: yeah, i know what you man. I am waiting for this damn market to show some real signs of sanity.
Salesman: What if i have a great deal for you?
Me: Sure .. why not..
Salesman: The project is called Jumeira (insert favorite terrain here: lakes, ponds, rivers, trees, farms, swamps ..etc). Its a 4 bedroom villa that’s about 300 sqm. Its located behind Green Community, after Jabal Ali. The Project will be completed in 2009.
Me: That’s pretty far away my friend.. time and location.
Salesman: True, but the price is amazing. And we can finance up to 97%.
Me: How much?
Salesman: Dhs 4.2 million only! (with a silly grin on his face)

….I put on my Heratio (CSI Miami) act, leaned towards the guy's ear and whispered…

Me: Do I look like the Russian mob to you? Or do you think I have a big laundry bag I need to .. you know, take care of .. (wink, wink)

Salesman (in shock): No sir.. i am ..

Me: Lets get this cleared out here. YOU want ME to pay YOU at least Dhs 170k in cash as your 3% down payment...

Salesman: ....umm

Me: Then I have to end up paying Dhs 20,000 (about US5,800/-) in monthly installments for 25 years! And that’s not including your so called "Service Charge” or other living expense ..

Salesman: .... but you will only pay when you receive the villa…

Me: ….Which, most likely will be delayed, like your other Tree-shaped man made island projects (hint hint)…

Salesman: …but the quality of the finish is ..

Me: what Quality are you talking about buddy? Don't you read the papers?

Me: Do you really think I will be able to pay you Dhs 20,000 every month for 25 years? Lets assume i can... do you really think all those expats you are selling to are going to hang around for 25 years?

Salesman: ...

Me: Let me give you a counter offer..

… I wrapped my arm around his shoulder and spoke in a sincere voice ….

Me: How about I take you to any of the finished projects RIGHT NOW.
I can get a 4br villa…in a developed community with neighbors and all… I can see the actual property and it’s not on paper like the one you are trying to sell me…. its very good finish, more then 300sqm big, and its right around the corner…

Me: ...wait … not only that, its should go for about Dhs 2 million, and guess what, I get to save on all the rent I will have to pay while waiting for your project to be completed in 2009.

Salesman: What if i tell you that the entire phase 1 is sold out...

Me: (Thats the oldest trick in the book you lying bastard .. but i can't say that out loud).

Me: Because you are selling to sheep, its those people who are driving prices up, and end up whinning and whinging about it.

So guys .. who wants to buy a house here?