Few Facebook Facts

I lately gave my Facebook profile an overhaul. Cleaned some useless Apps, deleted all emails and removed many "friends" I did not know from my list.

That revealed some interesting statistics about my Facebook friends list. Here is what I found out:

- Two are not with us anymore - both passed away earlier this year.
- Three ex-girlfriends - talk about awkwaaaard
- Five turned out to be gay: three male, two female - I didn't know anything about that before Facebook. But I am OK with that
- One is an exhibitionist.
- Five are very radical political activists. Some of their posts could get me into trouble.
- About 6 or 7 friends who turned from being totally westernized, into extremely conservative, rightwing religious.
- About a dozen I honestly, truly, do not remember anything about. But somehow they remember every detail of our one-time-only-met-via-common-friend-encounter-10-years ago.
- Another dozen who, though on my list, totally ignore me when we pass by each other at the mall or somewhere. Here is a question: If you have no plans to say hi to me in real life, why the heck did they invite me to your FB?
- About 3 or 4 friends who were never ever nice to me back in college, work...etc. And they still are – I don't know why am I keeping them.

Maybe I should give my friends list another sweep... what do you think?

7 things I am NOT on Facebook for

1. Be attacked, hit, bitten, and spanked by ninja zombies, rasta vampires, firey werewolves or spacy pirates. I just wanna catch up with some old friends.

2. Recieve ancient YouTube clips over and over AND over again. If someone sends me that "evolution of dance" clip one more time, I swear I will evolve my foot up his ass

3. Be poked, hugged, kissed, tugged, shoved, kicked, X-ed, slapped or spanked. Try doing that in person and you'll get my other foot up your ass

And dudes.. stop poking other dudes. Poking is for chics.

4. Joining pointless groups - I am sorry, but i am not interested in joining a Dubai based group that offers solid gold baby pacifiers with studded Swarovski chrystals. (Not a joke)

5. Receive Fortune cookies, animals to pet, plants to grow, cocktails, chocolate boxes, thongs or fluffy hand cuffs. If you really wanna give me something, give it to me in person you cheap skank.

6. Rate whether you are "Hot or Not". The fact that you are on Facebook makes the answer to that question very easy.

7. And Thank you very much. I do not want to know which Lost, Prison Brake, Desperate Housewives, Sex In the City, Ugly Betty, Heroes or Family Guy character you are. You are a loser.

Staying in touch

One of the things I enjoy about this whole Web 2.0 business is how i am getting connected to many people I thought I totally lost touch with. These past few months when I was offline at home, I was online via my mobile and the most social networking "tool" I frequented was Facebook.

Facebook hooked me up to people I thought I’d never see or hear from again, people I totaly forgot about, people who ended up in places and doing things i'd never imagine them doing at all. Had some interesting stories with Facebook, most are funny ones. The most memorable one, i think is the one about my friend Mohammed Al Khayat.

Mohammed was a very close friend back in University. We spent about 3 of my college years being quite close. He was the kind of friends that you don't see often, but once you meet up, you'd spend hours catching up on stuff with. He was decent and from a very good family. A respectable and straight up kindda guy.

He graduated one semester ahead of me and on my last graduating-senior semester, I was overloaded with a massive 21 credit load that I needed to complete to graduate. So, we didn't see much of each other.

Two years after graduation, I visited Egypt and I took my little black phonebook that had all college years telephone numbers I had. Back then, mobile phones where a privilege which I couldn't afford, all my numbers were stored in my little pocket size notebook.

I called Mohammed's home but I couldn't get through. Something was wrong with the numbers I had I guessed.

Mohammad was also a good friend of a girl I used to date back in college. I tried calling her, but the conversaion got really awkward. So, I dropped that whole search campaign.

About a year ago, I got my hands on an Alumni Directory. I looked up Mohammed's name and contact details but they were identical to the ones i had in my little blackbook. It seems the area he lived had the codes or numbers changed and no one was able to get me the proper numbers. I tried googling his name, but I always got really odd hits.

Few months ago with this whole Facebook business started, I found 3 of his high school friends. One was in Canada, so he didn't know anything about Mohammed and the 2 other guys who didn't hear anything about him as well. "You know how it is bro, everyone went his way after graduation," one of them told me. "i don't see anybody of my college friends anymore."

I agree.

Last month, while in London, I was in a really boring business meeting and trying to find a way to amuse myself during one of its sessions. I logged on facebook using my mobile and found a 'Friend Request' from a girl who used to be one of Mohammed's close group of friends.

She also happened to live in the UK. I told her i was in London and called her on the phone:

Me: Hi!! What an amazing coincidence... did you know that I am here (In the UK)?
Her: No.. I saw your name on one of my friends facebook profiles.. Its been ages, how are you?
Me: Great... I love this facebook thing. Its awesome! Btw, I’ve been looking for Mohammad Khayat for YEARS! No one knows anything about him .. are you guys in touch? Is he on Facebook?
Her: (voice changes) Oh ... i am sorry to tell you this but Mohammed passed away few months ago. He died in a car accident with his sister and niece. He was driving.. I am sorry

My heart still sinks every time I recall that conversation. But I am not sad. Actually, I am relieved in an odd kinda way. I am sure he is in a better place now.

I only wish, sometimes, that I tried harder, or maybe if Facebook was more popular a year ago or so. Maybe he'd known about my news, about me getting married and having a child.

Friends, are as good as much as you know about them and their news. When you know what they are up to and are in constant touch with them. And when if discover a friend has passed on or passed away, they have given you the best gift any friend can have, good memories you carry with you forever.

To all Facebook junkies

Check this.